My Recent Trauma
On August 5, 2020, I was hit by a car.
I hate running, but I had set a goal to run 2 miles that day. I just started running and was a block away from my house when a car ran a stop sign and hit me on my right side. The blessing is that the momentum knocked me forward so only my legs were hit. I had bruises and scrapes but no broken bones. But something else broke.
I only told a few people this happened because I didn’t want to worry anyone, I didn’t want to be seen as weak, and I didn’t want to keep retelling what happened. I bandaged my body, put emotional band-aids over my feelings, and tried to move on. But I didn’t move on, not really. I suddenly felt unsafe right outside my front door. My hands would shake when I sat behind the wheel. I would lose my breath crossing the street while walking my dog. My mind raced in the middle of the night. At some point I realized that in order to move on, I needed to move.
Movement, like running, was what caused the traumatic event. So why did I feel compelled to do the very thing that broke me? Because I realized that working out could help me to reclaim control of the body that the car accident damaged. Fitness gave me a way to heal my mind, regulate my emotions, and regain a sense of agency and self-confidence.
This wasn’t my only trauma. I carried this car accident that happened in 3 seconds. I carried an emotionally abusive relationship that happened over the course of 3 years. I carried generational trauma from the violation of women in my family before me. I carried the traumatic fear of counting the seconds until my black husband returned from a drive so I would know that he didn’t get shot by the cops. I carried burdens from multiple traumas that I needed to let go. Fitness allowed me to pick a weight up, and put a weight down.
On November 7, 2020, for the first time since the accident, I ran again. This time, I ran 5-K (so I made a lot more than a few blocks), and beat my best time. On this day, Reclamation Fitness was born.
