I’m insecure.

I read a quote today that said: “Sometimes our thoughts are backed by so much insecurity that they create lies we believe.”

The truth is that I’m insecure.

A few months ago I shared that I became President of my employer’s departmental DEI Council. That related to my vision for 2022 and made logical sense for my career. I was happy to grow where I was planted.

Then a few weeks later, I was offered a promotion that I wasn’t expecting. It requires me to do something completely new, with people I don’t know well, at a breakneck pace. This opportunity uprooted me and exposed unhealed shame from past mistakes that made me afraid to make new mistakes.

I didn’t expect a blessing to be the thing to expose my broken places.

I didn’t realize that my self-confidence was so fragile.

I didn’t know I internalized a limit on my ability to be successful.

In the past few weeks, I have referred to myself as idiotic, incapable, limited, dense, exposed, undeserving and an imposter.

But tonight, I realized that years of criticizing myself caught up with me, and I need to be a better steward of my life.

I woke up today, so whatever purpose I am uniquely and wonderfully made for is still waiting for me - the broken me, but also the bold, blessed, brave me. So I am going to give approving of myself a real try and celebrate this uncommon grace and favor with joy.